Onward

I'm no longer looking back;

all my things have been packed.

I had it all tied up with a rope;

the one that you used to crack.

The pictures let me light the fire;

Ash is all that remains of what we had to aspire to.

I fed the flames, but you wouldn't provide the breath;

but the blaze in my heart was the only thing growing higher.

I studied your being and your different sides;

I couldn't understand why it was so hard for you to find.

To find the time, the courage, the love, but I saw some clear signs;

everything was about you in this relationship; you were one of a kind.

I pushed through and gave it a try;

no responses from you but only sighs.

I never felt pain as much as longing to be remembered;

but the only thing you would yell would be, "Timber!!"

You cut down this tree that I spent so long to grow;

I tried to water it, but your cold heart made it snow.

Winter is the season where you come close to the other;

but the only warmth I felt was the torrent I was under.

Your thoughts became words, and those words became action;

you told me that it was only an anxious reaction.

I was left with confusion because you always wore a mask;

I would see if there was a way to help; that was all I asked.

You would tell me you were okay, though I always had you on my mind;

you are a good artist with all the lies you design.

I'd watch you smile and think that is what I wanted;

now I know all those memories are haunted.

Ghosting me became your new favorite hobby;

thinking you were a doctor, I would wait in the lobby.

That room where we had once had shared so much laughter;

But you became a comedian, and good punch lines were what you were after.

You'd joke, saying, "It took him months to finally figure it out."

well, guess what, you are not the one my wedding vows will be about.

Too many times, I was left on read;

while you feasted with friends, leaving me stranded for dead.

I was constantly thrown punches and not the physical kind;

ones that assaulted the inner workings of my mind.

I would think that I was on your side fighting this war;

until you used me as a shield, and the arrows were the words you swore.

Out of the mouth speaks the heart, as Christ has said;

and I always wondered if it was you who was fed.

But it became more and more of me seeing red;

character assassinations that was how I was bled.

I would keep pushing forward;

my heart was always so whole.

"I'm not a romantic."

That's always the line that you'd always pull.

It would tell me that you were never truly there;

and I was left on the ground, gasping for air.

My lungs would cave and collapse, but you couldn't see;

cupid's arrow didn't hit my heart; it went right through me.

I would show you the blood that drained from my soul;

but you held the knife that gave it the holes.

You would dress up and put on all those fancy clothes;

but that only masked the problems you don't want anyone to know.

You pushed me away outside of your castle walls;

I would try to climb them, though they were so tall.

But behold, the closer I got, the more it became clear;

this isn't just a scared little girl covered in tears.

The rose-colored glasses are off, and this is what I found;

broken hearts and bones of the past lay all around.

And upon the gravestones, I saw my name;

I knew that I would end up like them, all the same.

I thought you had problems that could one day be solved;

until you become the problem where everything revolves.

People would ask how you were, and I said she was working on getting better;

while the prayer that I prayed was now to be answered.

I came to know that the reasons I was in pain;

you never sought to give, only to gain.

When I stood up on my two feet and challenged this abuse,

you looked at me and said that I was no longer of use.

I will not be like the things you picked up at Goodwill;

a collection of used parts that never could fill.

I am fine wine that tastes better with time;

so thank you for the pain. It makes it easy to rhyme.

So yes, I am moving on, and I will sing my song;

I forgive you, though you did me so wrong.

I pray that you can overcome the difficulties that you bear;

but please remember that those burdens are for others to share.

May God above guide you with his ever-loving hands;

and help you to learn that all but him is sinking sand.

we shared so many memories that I look back and smile;

for that, I am thankful, but they are getting filed.

The anger I express is not an attack against you;

it is just pain that was long overdue.

This part of grief is always tough;

It's love persisting, though I've had enough.

I do not want this love to become hate;

but what I've experienced is far from something worth a date.

I have to put to death the fantasies I created;

so the emotions I have do not become a cursed fate.

I so enjoyed the time we had, where exploration was packed, and hearts were content;

but we both have separate journeys for which the Lord has sent.

This chapter that you had will have a crease;

though it is stained with tears and grease.

We helped each other through times that were hard;

but it must have not been in the cards.

I remember the joy and the weight of your heart;

but we decided it would be best to be apart.

So, with a tear and a smile, I must bid you farewell;

I do not know where the story will end.

Fly to the heavens and for the stars in motion;

maybe the space will let you figure out your emotions.

Time waits for no man and no woman either;

It's funny how I was always a believer;

I know that there is nothing to fear;

Thank you for letting me hold you so dear.

I would like to find someone whom I can pour out my heart and all its beauty;

one who gladly I will serve and protect and give me love like a duty.

So goodbye to the you and the person you were in the past;

This was a test which I hope to pass.