Lord of the Thorns

I sit here staring deep at my phone, six feet to be exact

My conscience is steeped; I wish it would have remained intact

This anxiety swirls and swells

Deeper in my self-induced spell

We speak of daydreams, not daymares

Let me tell you something that genuinely scares

Imagination: while you could tell a child how amazing it is, it isn’t worth the hype

Don’t tell them that it just might come back to bite

I don’t even realize what it’s making me see

Loved ones dead, or something much worse in this dream

I’ll be surprised if I haven’t thought of every type of horror

Thoughts of every creepy crawly hiding in the corner

Crimes and dread come in its despair

To spare or not to spare

They speak of my fantasies

“Can’t you see, we are a part of me?”

Those delusions they prey on my fear

It is time to eat; my conscience is seared

Act as if you were god the snake comes to

speak

For that job, I know I am far too weak

Much too frail

Too condemned in this jail

I want to look through bars to see stars

But I only look through the mud to see scars

Lord, resurrect this body of mine or maybe just this mind

Gear it down for the brakes will grind

This mind has been racing

To destinations I wish I could never go

But the intrusive thoughts are starting to show

Too many times, I have been on this road

I don’t know how much time I’ve got

These things I never was taught

How do I get these voices out of my head

I’m no schizophrenic, but I know what they said

"He’s too much of a hypocrite for us."

"He fills me with disgust!"

"He’s an idiot who’ll never succeed."

"He’s the monster now. Let’s watch him bleed."

Good, I never wanted to be kind

Whenever I try, I lose my mind

Then the guilt rolls through my spine like, what did you do?

I don’t know; I was just in a mood

Yeah, what a weak excuse

To say you're stuck in the blues

Well, maybe I am; what don’t you understand

I don’t know why I have to be in no man’s land

Alone, that’s how you die

Nobody cares, so why don’t you cry

Show them how much of you is a man

Show all of them the boogeyman

He sleeps in my head

And I can’t let him out

My brain is in shreds

He wants to shout

Running in circles, trapped in a cage

Let’s bring all of this to the front of the stage

Flesh it out in its entirety

After all, it is a part of me

But a still, small voice continues to stay near

Consider the birds whom I destine; they do not fear

Sometimes, this dial has to remain on the same stations

They will stay in the same rotation

Until you hear me out, I can’t change the alarm

Something is wrong; you have been charmed

All that comes and goes are gifts, don’t you see

Even after death, you’ll be left with me

You will one day say goodbye to all of those you love

But don’t tell me you are alone when I am here above

I have many promises of which I have told

So don’t worry; you will still have a hand to hold

Now I know what to expect

No real need for me to fret

For the fears, he comes before the alarm

The spirit tells me there will be no harm

Though I feel like I am drowning in my own tears

The anchor of my soul keeps me near

Near the solid rock in which I try to stand

It was constructed by no ordinary hands

Only by the one called the son of man

My whole self is what he demands

So teach me, lord, that each time I pray

I teach my anxieties they have no place to stay

Teach me to know that horrors can be redeemed

And I can find some good in all that I dream